It was a good day today ^_^
Got up early, went over to Amanda's (keep her company while cleaning the house ^^;;;). We went up to Wheaton around noon; I had lunch with Peter... heh, being at Wheaton in the summer, eating at Saga during the summer. Actually today's lunch was worth the $6.... FRIED SHIRMP... mmm. (For Wheaton students, it's the shrimp they serve at Student Appreciation, except today was all you can eat ^_^).... I ate more than enough to get my $6 worth. Afterwards, Amanda drove me down to Fox Valley to get my car. Getting my car back... they did such a good job that, looking at it, you can't tell that the car was ever damaged. Even as sentitive a driver as I am, I still couldn't feel a difference before & after, which is pretty amazing. The steering wheel has a VERY minor vibration above 60mph, but I can look into that later. Felt really good to get the car back & be driving around.
Leaders appreciation was lots of fun... the night was very "simple" in format, but very well-done & meaningful; those kinds of nights are best. My junior high guys... what an impressive bunch. Especially Bailey... you rock! Thanks for puttin yourself out there in sharing, & also for the CD. The evening was a good reminder to me, of what really matters & what the core of ministry is. It was a testament to selective-attention XD, but a good humbling reminder that lessons, sermons, & sharings are not most important; it's the smaller things, the relationships, the general sense of "presence".... those things stick. Y'know, as a leader, believe it or not, it's very easy to forget that the core of ministry is love- for God & for His people. I think the biggest temptation for pastors & people who serve is the temptation to forget why we do what we do. More often than not, it's not committing sins that affect ministry- it's forgetting to love. Tonight I was reminded again to love.
Thanks for the shirt.... for those of you who weren't there... it was a big pink pig on the shirt... in honor of my pig Hamlet >.<. Seriously, I thought like you were responsible for doing that or something, heh. I think my shirt was the most.... er... "off" of all the leaders. I got the feminine looking one >.< *thwaps Vicky for the comment*. A few Rachael Lampa remarks ^^;;;; , made me do a jig (go 1980s dance, whee), & a lot of good laughs all around. I needed the laugh, the light-heartedness.
Life appears good these days, and in many ways it is. I really can't complain & have more blessings than I realize. Yet still it hasn't been very easy these past few weeks. Much like the sudden thunderstorms and tornado-warnings this week, I feel like storms in my heart "pop up" suddenly without warning. There've been some fairly deeply seeded hurts, discouragements, & pain to work through. I confess, that it's been hard to serve & be with people; if I had my way, I'd hide away in my room all week. I've fallen asleep to bitter tears & prayers.
Almost through the tunnel
SoulThirst
Saturday, May 31, 2003
Wednesday, May 28, 2003
[Note: This was written earlier in the afternoon, but due to a power outage, I didn’t get to post it till now]
It's been a few days... thought I'd share with you some thoughts/reflections from my morning reading/meditation (since a Chinese Bible study group has all but confined me to my room & office)
A few years ago (Josh Koh remembers this), Larry Crabb came out with a couple books: Connecting and The Safest Place on Earth, both talking about spiritual community. It relates somewhat with Josh Lin's message at the youth service this past week (for those of you who remember), about being authentic, and what it means to have authentic spiritual community. Anyway, I had shelved both books for a while, and only recently reopened them because the topic is all of a sudden relevant again.
And just one thought from the opening chapter that caught my attention: that the good in us runs deeper than the bad. The statement is put in this context:
- for us to genuinely have community/fellowship, we need to be willing to connect
- to connect, it takes a willingness to be open, vulnerable, willing to let people into our lives
- but we DON'T do that because we're afraid of what people might find when they get into our lives... all our sin, all our mess
- SO, first we need to connect with God (or rather, allow God to connect to us)
- Part of connecting with God is to realize (in a life-transforming way) that God delights in us, loves us, and has changed us by the power of the Gospel
- with that "real change," we can take it into our relationships with others
(Ok, now to break all that down)
That's a tough thing to believe in, that the good runs deeper than the bad. Evangelical Christians are an odd bunch sometimes. Crabb writes that, in an effort to fight pride, humanism, etc. Christians go the other direction to say that "there is not goodness in our flesh, and all our good deeds is like filthy rags to God, etc. etc." No doubt there is truth in those statements- that our works don't compare to God's holiness. But honestly I grow tired of the constant focus on sin and struggle because it is not fitting for a redeemed Christian.
We forget that Good Friday was not the end; there was Easter Sunday, and Paul himself writes in 1 Corinthians 15 that, without the resurrection, the gospel is meaningless. Remaining at the foot of the cross is a great & glorious thing, and rightfully we should never forget the cross. Yet I find that when we "think about the cross," that usually means:
- how our sin "sent Christ to the cross" (which isn't theologically accurate either)
- how much Christ suffered for us
- how much we deserved to suffer there instead
- how thankful we are that Christ took our punishment
I have to ask... where's the resurrection in all this?. The cross is not the "end" of the story.... The confession of the church is not "Christ died for us," but "He is Risen!" You can't have one without the other.
Asian-Americans have a harder time with this, I think. I see in a lot of Korean churches especially, the emphasis on themes of being unworthy, always needing to repent, recognizing how sinful we are, etc. But I gotta ask:
What runs deeper? Our sin or our goodness?
By "our goodness," I mean the image of God- the image of God was placed in us BEFORE the Fall, before sin entered the human experience. The image of God runs deeper than our sin. The resurrection power of Christ makes it clear that, though we were dead in our sins, now we are made alive in Christ (Romans 6).
Good news, you are not defined by your sin. Yes, we are "sinners," but why have we let that label trap us into thinking that we're "no good"?
When you worship, are you more aware of your sin than you are of God's grace?
Do you define yourself spiritually by "how unworthy you are before God?" or by "the new creation that Christ is now forming us into?" (2 Cor. 5)
Asian students know what all this looks like; we get it from our parents in varying degrees: you're defined by your academic successes and failures; if you didn't get an A, it's because you were not good enough, smart enough, diligent enough. Even when we do succeed, we don't want to "be proud" and so we say "oh, not really" and back away from anything that acknowledges that we're good. We've gotten so used to admitting when we're wrong, that we forget that there's anything good- the image of God within every human being. Whenever we mess up, the first impulse is "repent, repent, repent" and then repent some more. But after all that repenting, there's no celebration... that, having repented, we can move on from that place. We get "stuck" in sin & repentance, and forget to praise.
It's been a few days... thought I'd share with you some thoughts/reflections from my morning reading/meditation (since a Chinese Bible study group has all but confined me to my room & office)
A few years ago (Josh Koh remembers this), Larry Crabb came out with a couple books: Connecting and The Safest Place on Earth, both talking about spiritual community. It relates somewhat with Josh Lin's message at the youth service this past week (for those of you who remember), about being authentic, and what it means to have authentic spiritual community. Anyway, I had shelved both books for a while, and only recently reopened them because the topic is all of a sudden relevant again.
And just one thought from the opening chapter that caught my attention: that the good in us runs deeper than the bad. The statement is put in this context:
- for us to genuinely have community/fellowship, we need to be willing to connect
- to connect, it takes a willingness to be open, vulnerable, willing to let people into our lives
- but we DON'T do that because we're afraid of what people might find when they get into our lives... all our sin, all our mess
- SO, first we need to connect with God (or rather, allow God to connect to us)
- Part of connecting with God is to realize (in a life-transforming way) that God delights in us, loves us, and has changed us by the power of the Gospel
- with that "real change," we can take it into our relationships with others
(Ok, now to break all that down)
That's a tough thing to believe in, that the good runs deeper than the bad. Evangelical Christians are an odd bunch sometimes. Crabb writes that, in an effort to fight pride, humanism, etc. Christians go the other direction to say that "there is not goodness in our flesh, and all our good deeds is like filthy rags to God, etc. etc." No doubt there is truth in those statements- that our works don't compare to God's holiness. But honestly I grow tired of the constant focus on sin and struggle because it is not fitting for a redeemed Christian.
We forget that Good Friday was not the end; there was Easter Sunday, and Paul himself writes in 1 Corinthians 15 that, without the resurrection, the gospel is meaningless. Remaining at the foot of the cross is a great & glorious thing, and rightfully we should never forget the cross. Yet I find that when we "think about the cross," that usually means:
- how our sin "sent Christ to the cross" (which isn't theologically accurate either)
- how much Christ suffered for us
- how much we deserved to suffer there instead
- how thankful we are that Christ took our punishment
I have to ask... where's the resurrection in all this?. The cross is not the "end" of the story.... The confession of the church is not "Christ died for us," but "He is Risen!" You can't have one without the other.
Asian-Americans have a harder time with this, I think. I see in a lot of Korean churches especially, the emphasis on themes of being unworthy, always needing to repent, recognizing how sinful we are, etc. But I gotta ask:
What runs deeper? Our sin or our goodness?
By "our goodness," I mean the image of God- the image of God was placed in us BEFORE the Fall, before sin entered the human experience. The image of God runs deeper than our sin. The resurrection power of Christ makes it clear that, though we were dead in our sins, now we are made alive in Christ (Romans 6).
Good news, you are not defined by your sin. Yes, we are "sinners," but why have we let that label trap us into thinking that we're "no good"?
When you worship, are you more aware of your sin than you are of God's grace?
Do you define yourself spiritually by "how unworthy you are before God?" or by "the new creation that Christ is now forming us into?" (2 Cor. 5)
Asian students know what all this looks like; we get it from our parents in varying degrees: you're defined by your academic successes and failures; if you didn't get an A, it's because you were not good enough, smart enough, diligent enough. Even when we do succeed, we don't want to "be proud" and so we say "oh, not really" and back away from anything that acknowledges that we're good. We've gotten so used to admitting when we're wrong, that we forget that there's anything good- the image of God within every human being. Whenever we mess up, the first impulse is "repent, repent, repent" and then repent some more. But after all that repenting, there's no celebration... that, having repented, we can move on from that place. We get "stuck" in sin & repentance, and forget to praise.
Sunday, May 25, 2003
So much to post & don't know where to start. There's the reflective/serious stuff, the encouraging stuff, and the hilarious stuff.
I guess the hilarious stuff is easiest- went to see Bruce Almighty yesterday with Josh, Steve, Dan Lo, & Jessica. It was such a funny movie- some very classic Jim Carrey moments. However, it wasn't "dirty" like some of his other ones; this one was, believe it or not, very thoughtfully well put-together. For those of you who wonder, the movie IS NOT blasphemy. In fact, it raises a lot of good questions like:
- what would YOU do if you did have God's powers?
- what's your view of God? (is He a cruel God? an unjust God? an irresponsible God? or all-wise God?)
- what are the things that matter most to us in life?
- how do we see God (or miss seeing him) in our everyday lives?
There's probably more, but yea, the movie was powerful, in part because I think it draws people into spiritual things in an unsuspecting way. People come, expecting to see just a funny Jim Carrey movie, but probably end up leaving with more thoughts about God than they expected. Best of all, in my opinion, was that since it's not a "Christian film" it was not cheesy the way Christian films usually are. There's a lot of good wholesome humor in it- even "God" has a sense of humor, which I believe is true (who do you think created laughter?) but is a part of God that Christians easily forget.
Made me think, what IS God's sense of humor like anyway? Most of the humor that we know & have oftentimes center on making fun of others, laughing at others' expense (i.e. insults), crude/inappropriate humor, etc. It's hard to find humor that is good & wholesome. But if God has a sense of humor, what must that sense of humor look like?
Anyway, go see Bruce Almighty, even if you're not a huge Jim Carrey fan. It'll make u think. I confess, the movie almost made me cry, not because of Jim :P, but because 1) I have a weakness for emotional plot-lines, but 2) it really did make me think high thoughts about God, asking "what must God be like..."
In other news, today was a long day, but a good one. This morning's time at church felt different in a good way- something more real, more alive. Afternoon playing kickball & evening BBQ with college/young adults was good & fun as well. (Jess, Iris, Esther, & Jerry ended up spending the whole day at Living Water too ^^;;; )
Hockey tourney tomorrow, so I best go to bed & write later.
I guess the hilarious stuff is easiest- went to see Bruce Almighty yesterday with Josh, Steve, Dan Lo, & Jessica. It was such a funny movie- some very classic Jim Carrey moments. However, it wasn't "dirty" like some of his other ones; this one was, believe it or not, very thoughtfully well put-together. For those of you who wonder, the movie IS NOT blasphemy. In fact, it raises a lot of good questions like:
- what would YOU do if you did have God's powers?
- what's your view of God? (is He a cruel God? an unjust God? an irresponsible God? or all-wise God?)
- what are the things that matter most to us in life?
- how do we see God (or miss seeing him) in our everyday lives?
There's probably more, but yea, the movie was powerful, in part because I think it draws people into spiritual things in an unsuspecting way. People come, expecting to see just a funny Jim Carrey movie, but probably end up leaving with more thoughts about God than they expected. Best of all, in my opinion, was that since it's not a "Christian film" it was not cheesy the way Christian films usually are. There's a lot of good wholesome humor in it- even "God" has a sense of humor, which I believe is true (who do you think created laughter?) but is a part of God that Christians easily forget.
Made me think, what IS God's sense of humor like anyway? Most of the humor that we know & have oftentimes center on making fun of others, laughing at others' expense (i.e. insults), crude/inappropriate humor, etc. It's hard to find humor that is good & wholesome. But if God has a sense of humor, what must that sense of humor look like?
Anyway, go see Bruce Almighty, even if you're not a huge Jim Carrey fan. It'll make u think. I confess, the movie almost made me cry, not because of Jim :P, but because 1) I have a weakness for emotional plot-lines, but 2) it really did make me think high thoughts about God, asking "what must God be like..."
In other news, today was a long day, but a good one. This morning's time at church felt different in a good way- something more real, more alive. Afternoon playing kickball & evening BBQ with college/young adults was good & fun as well. (Jess, Iris, Esther, & Jerry ended up spending the whole day at Living Water too ^^;;; )
Hockey tourney tomorrow, so I best go to bed & write later.
Tuesday, May 20, 2003
Talked with someone from CBC last night, wishing her a happy belated birthday. In the course of conversation, found out she's finishing up junior year of high school already, on her way to becoming a senior. With that, I realized how much time has passed since I left Maryland. 4 years by straight-calendar time, but I mean more like "perceived time." I mean, c'mon, these were "kids" who were in my Vacation Bible School class when they were in 5-6th grade, and are now going to be juniors/seniors. Yikes.
This weekend'll be the first ever CBC Spring Retreat that I will NOT be at. I've tied all the adults of CBC for being one of the most consistent retreat attendees. (I think the 1st retreat was the year I was born, & my parents brought me all through childhood, I went while in youth group, and even went the past 3 years when I was home for the summers). But yea, this year marks the first that I won't be there. And truth be told, I suppose I don't really quite miss it much.
Nothing against the retreat or anything. But I guess the past 2 years, it's felt like an overglorified reunion of out-of-town college folk, going around a college campus, eating semi-decent food (Wheaton is better :P), and attending more workshops & more main sessions. Part of it, having been a spoiled Wheaton evangelical, meant that I had a hard time really enjoying the speakers that they invited, without noticing theological inconsistencies and homiletic flaws. Yea. That's what happens when you spend 3 years listening to speakers whose books line your shelves.
Alright, enough off the CBC tangent. I mean, yea, I do miss them kinda-sorta. Joseph asked me to speak for youth service there sometime; I still have to figure out when. I've been thinking about a short trip home sometime in early summer, probably just like a Monday-Thursday sort of thing. It'd give me a nice break/vacation in the midst of a lot that I have to do. Plus Kary finishes finals this week sometime & will be back in MD for summer also; it'd be good to make a visit.
Alright. that was the semi-random update for the afternoon.
This weekend'll be the first ever CBC Spring Retreat that I will NOT be at. I've tied all the adults of CBC for being one of the most consistent retreat attendees. (I think the 1st retreat was the year I was born, & my parents brought me all through childhood, I went while in youth group, and even went the past 3 years when I was home for the summers). But yea, this year marks the first that I won't be there. And truth be told, I suppose I don't really quite miss it much.
Nothing against the retreat or anything. But I guess the past 2 years, it's felt like an overglorified reunion of out-of-town college folk, going around a college campus, eating semi-decent food (Wheaton is better :P), and attending more workshops & more main sessions. Part of it, having been a spoiled Wheaton evangelical, meant that I had a hard time really enjoying the speakers that they invited, without noticing theological inconsistencies and homiletic flaws. Yea. That's what happens when you spend 3 years listening to speakers whose books line your shelves.
Alright, enough off the CBC tangent. I mean, yea, I do miss them kinda-sorta. Joseph asked me to speak for youth service there sometime; I still have to figure out when. I've been thinking about a short trip home sometime in early summer, probably just like a Monday-Thursday sort of thing. It'd give me a nice break/vacation in the midst of a lot that I have to do. Plus Kary finishes finals this week sometime & will be back in MD for summer also; it'd be good to make a visit.
Alright. that was the semi-random update for the afternoon.
Saturday, May 17, 2003
Tonight was a good night at youth group. And it's strange that, as I say that, I almost feel like I'm saying it from a "participant" point of view. I enjoyed the time of music, having Josh Koh lead it. The music blend & clear vocals brought back memories. I think most of all I was touched by the tenderness... heh, Josh, you're different now, having been out there. You've got a quietness now, a tenderness, and I think more humility in your leading.
Took my junior high guys out to the park tonight. There was only the original 5 of them from the beginning of the year- a special opportunity to be together since they feel most comfortable with one another & I feel like they know me better too than some of the newer guys. At the park, we talked some, and then I sent them off to be on their own... to be before God, to write/journal, reflect. Yes, I believe that junior high guys are capable of doing that; they did, and I think they enjoyed it. We ended the time praying, but praying differently. Rather than the usual "sit in a circle with eyes closed & heads bowed," I led them in praying with eyes open... in taking in the world around them, and praying through what they could see. Sometimes we get even MORE distracted with eyes closed; and so we prayed- seemed like we were just talking. We shared words of praise to God, centered around creation & how creation reminded us of God. It went something like "God, thank you for [the trees] because _____." And hearing some of what they prayed... the objects they used & how they made metaphors & analogies to God, was very very amazing. One of them said the big trees remind him of God's "big" presence around. And then another said that the quiet water of the lake was peaceful & brought serenity. They prayed, one after another. I had to wrap it up at the end, but I think we could've kept going... they were still able to think of more & more ways God was present in the world around them.
Actually, I did that with them, for rather selfish reasons- I needed my own quiet alone-time with God. But y'know, I guess it's not all bad- one axiom of ministry being "to take your congregation to the places where God's been leading you." So I hope the guys were blessed. It encouraged me, to have that time for myself; also to hear from them their praises & prayers to God at the end.
I almost cried today, at the end of the music time... Josh speaking of God being one to meet us in our loneliness. I dunno... I suppose the past week has been a little more emotionally stressing than I thought. I didn't know it'd feel this different with the Wheaton students all home for the summer. I didn't know that some relationships would now feel so different. I didn't expect that some relationships would actually turn painful. (I might write more on my Diary-X blog-page; passcode is changed, please ask me for the new one). Graduation weekend last week was also different- challenging to me, again perhaps more so than I first realized. Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end, right?
Feeling out of sorts has left me acting/doing things out of sorts too. I've been slacking in my responsibilities. I've been so much more passive, mellow. I've been absent-minded in keeping track of things; I always forget to do something, call someone, turn something in, bring something, etc. I know I can do so much more & a lot better, and I'm annoyed at myself for not doing better. I've gotten talked-to about it a couple times, and I deserve it... *sigh*. Part of my pride talking, is saying that in the past I've done so much more, been so much more on top of things, etc. Whatever happened to Mr. "always organized & on top of things, having everything prepared & at the fingertips, never forgetting a single detail & being one that people can depend on."? That fell to pieces right around last year.
But yea, sucks to be performing below standards when I know I can be better. I feel like I'm letting certain people down. Maybe it's just me, and inaccurate mental projections; but I suppose that I've encountered more grace-lessness in my past than grace-filled situations/people, that I more naturally think that people are disappointed with me & I've let them down. Oddly enough, I don't feel that way towards God usually- I suppose I've been trained as a good Reformed evangelical to know that God operates on grace-alone. But with people it's different- even Christians. Yea. Probably just my own projections and assumptions that I'm putting on others. Also, I'm actually becoming more & more annoyed with the fact that I've been without a car. I feel like I'm just in people's way, in terms of getting rides & needing to depend on others to get around. Granted, some of that is self-sufficient pride speaking (learn to accept help from others, yada yada), but yea, I still just feel "tied down."
I have no idea where I'm going with this. It's almost 1:00, I'm tired, and I should go to bed.
Oh yea, found out a half hour ago, that a Wheaton student died in an avalanche a couple days ago. I didn't know him, but I know people who did. Plus, just losing a member of the college community is never an easy thing; even not knowing him personally, you do feel a sense of "communal loss." (the Naperville Central students probably know what I'm talking about).
So much to think about, so much that is heavy.
*sigh*
Took my junior high guys out to the park tonight. There was only the original 5 of them from the beginning of the year- a special opportunity to be together since they feel most comfortable with one another & I feel like they know me better too than some of the newer guys. At the park, we talked some, and then I sent them off to be on their own... to be before God, to write/journal, reflect. Yes, I believe that junior high guys are capable of doing that; they did, and I think they enjoyed it. We ended the time praying, but praying differently. Rather than the usual "sit in a circle with eyes closed & heads bowed," I led them in praying with eyes open... in taking in the world around them, and praying through what they could see. Sometimes we get even MORE distracted with eyes closed; and so we prayed- seemed like we were just talking. We shared words of praise to God, centered around creation & how creation reminded us of God. It went something like "God, thank you for [the trees] because _____." And hearing some of what they prayed... the objects they used & how they made metaphors & analogies to God, was very very amazing. One of them said the big trees remind him of God's "big" presence around. And then another said that the quiet water of the lake was peaceful & brought serenity. They prayed, one after another. I had to wrap it up at the end, but I think we could've kept going... they were still able to think of more & more ways God was present in the world around them.
Actually, I did that with them, for rather selfish reasons- I needed my own quiet alone-time with God. But y'know, I guess it's not all bad- one axiom of ministry being "to take your congregation to the places where God's been leading you." So I hope the guys were blessed. It encouraged me, to have that time for myself; also to hear from them their praises & prayers to God at the end.
I almost cried today, at the end of the music time... Josh speaking of God being one to meet us in our loneliness. I dunno... I suppose the past week has been a little more emotionally stressing than I thought. I didn't know it'd feel this different with the Wheaton students all home for the summer. I didn't know that some relationships would now feel so different. I didn't expect that some relationships would actually turn painful. (I might write more on my Diary-X blog-page; passcode is changed, please ask me for the new one). Graduation weekend last week was also different- challenging to me, again perhaps more so than I first realized. Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end, right?
Feeling out of sorts has left me acting/doing things out of sorts too. I've been slacking in my responsibilities. I've been so much more passive, mellow. I've been absent-minded in keeping track of things; I always forget to do something, call someone, turn something in, bring something, etc. I know I can do so much more & a lot better, and I'm annoyed at myself for not doing better. I've gotten talked-to about it a couple times, and I deserve it... *sigh*. Part of my pride talking, is saying that in the past I've done so much more, been so much more on top of things, etc. Whatever happened to Mr. "always organized & on top of things, having everything prepared & at the fingertips, never forgetting a single detail & being one that people can depend on."? That fell to pieces right around last year.
But yea, sucks to be performing below standards when I know I can be better. I feel like I'm letting certain people down. Maybe it's just me, and inaccurate mental projections; but I suppose that I've encountered more grace-lessness in my past than grace-filled situations/people, that I more naturally think that people are disappointed with me & I've let them down. Oddly enough, I don't feel that way towards God usually- I suppose I've been trained as a good Reformed evangelical to know that God operates on grace-alone. But with people it's different- even Christians. Yea. Probably just my own projections and assumptions that I'm putting on others. Also, I'm actually becoming more & more annoyed with the fact that I've been without a car. I feel like I'm just in people's way, in terms of getting rides & needing to depend on others to get around. Granted, some of that is self-sufficient pride speaking (learn to accept help from others, yada yada), but yea, I still just feel "tied down."
I have no idea where I'm going with this. It's almost 1:00, I'm tired, and I should go to bed.
Oh yea, found out a half hour ago, that a Wheaton student died in an avalanche a couple days ago. I didn't know him, but I know people who did. Plus, just losing a member of the college community is never an easy thing; even not knowing him personally, you do feel a sense of "communal loss." (the Naperville Central students probably know what I'm talking about).
So much to think about, so much that is heavy.
*sigh*
Friday, May 16, 2003
Heh... I'm at Jk0h's, watching Hero. ^^;;;. eh.... it's ok... nice kung-fu, good swordsmanship... but overall plot & such isn't that great. Scenery was beautiful, music was beautiful, and so was the end-title song. But yea... the overall plot/story (with all its imagery & flowery language)... almost put me to sleep. And the whole love thing & killing the one you love, etc.... eh. I have no idea why the girls on the couch are actually moved by it ~_~. Although, Zhang Ziyi is still a babe. ^^;;
Car estimate place called, said the car wouldn't get fixed until the 28th... meaning 2 weeks without a car ~_~... but yes, Tenshi will be fixed. (Btw, thank you for the concern. You got the name of the car wrong ^^;;;. It's ok. Thanks still, & I appreciate it). Actually, it's not so bad to be car-less... a minor inconvenience, but not like I can't live without one.
Now the girls are watching Totoro (for you non-anime folk: a kid anime that's made by the same studio as Spirited Away, Mononoke, Kiki's Delivery Service, etc.). It's very light-hearted, cute, and funny in the way that anime is funny. But for some reason I'm not really as into it as I know I probably could be. I've been more entertained before... laughed more... gotten more into it. Heh, here I am blogging on my laptop/cell phone & only half-watching.
*edit*
I'm home now, sitting out in the front yard (yes, while blogging via wireless), watchin the tail end of the eclipse. The ancient pagan cultures believed eclipses were omens from the gods- bad omens. They recognized that something was happening in the heavens that they did not understand. And although we understand more about the universe than the ancients did, I wonder if we forget- in our technologically & scientifically growing world- that there is still much happening in the heavens (physically or metaphysically) that we do not understand still. It's a beautiful night... somethin very soothing & therapeutic about being outdoors, especially at night. The world (well, at least the natural order) is quiet & settled down. Wish I could take my cues from the natural order.
The creators of Totoro do a good job of depicting the whole synergy with nature thing. And also the spirit of children- Josh Koh pointed out that the writer really captured well the essence of a childlike spirit. In the film, the 2 children were the only ones able to see Totoro (the fantasy fat fuzzy chubby squirrel-creature-thing from storybooks) and play with him; and were the only ones who called on him to help them when they needed help). Of course, the adults never quite understood what the kids were talking about. But the kids had the grandest time, laughing & playing with their "imaginary friend."
The childlike heart... having faith in the "crazy storybook ideas"? (after all, isn't Scripture, in large part, a story- about God and His creation)... or maybe just being able to play & not worry?
Heard Avril Lavigne's "I'm With You" over the radio this afternoon. Although I'm not a fan of her music, the words of it struck me as very... hopeless. And I remember a conversation I had with Vicki Ku about the fact that music reflects the culture & times in which it was written. And one defining characteristic of much of the recent music (i.e. past 3-4 years ) is full of existential angst. Translation: there's a lot of sentiments of hopelessness, loneliness, despair, meaningless, etc. in music. And you know, I realized, that no matter how "down & out" I've ever felt, I've never felt hopeless. Like, utterly completely hopeless. Hope, of course, is one of the gifts of God- the source of all hope & comfort. Yet the presence of hope (or perhaps the fact that we don't feel its complete absence) is often taken for granted. And yet perhaps, at a very basic level, when all faith seems to be gone, the bit of hope that says "things'll get better... things MUST get better" is in itself a step of faith. When people who do not know God claim to say "don't worry, it'll be ok", sometimes it makes me want to ask them "how do you know?" But for those who follow God, there actually is a basis- a promise- for being able to say that and have any sort of guarantee.
Anyway, those are my 2 theological thoughts of the evening. G'nite
Car estimate place called, said the car wouldn't get fixed until the 28th... meaning 2 weeks without a car ~_~... but yes, Tenshi will be fixed. (Btw, thank you for the concern. You got the name of the car wrong ^^;;;. It's ok. Thanks still, & I appreciate it). Actually, it's not so bad to be car-less... a minor inconvenience, but not like I can't live without one.
Now the girls are watching Totoro (for you non-anime folk: a kid anime that's made by the same studio as Spirited Away, Mononoke, Kiki's Delivery Service, etc.). It's very light-hearted, cute, and funny in the way that anime is funny. But for some reason I'm not really as into it as I know I probably could be. I've been more entertained before... laughed more... gotten more into it. Heh, here I am blogging on my laptop/cell phone & only half-watching.
*edit*
I'm home now, sitting out in the front yard (yes, while blogging via wireless), watchin the tail end of the eclipse. The ancient pagan cultures believed eclipses were omens from the gods- bad omens. They recognized that something was happening in the heavens that they did not understand. And although we understand more about the universe than the ancients did, I wonder if we forget- in our technologically & scientifically growing world- that there is still much happening in the heavens (physically or metaphysically) that we do not understand still. It's a beautiful night... somethin very soothing & therapeutic about being outdoors, especially at night. The world (well, at least the natural order) is quiet & settled down. Wish I could take my cues from the natural order.
The creators of Totoro do a good job of depicting the whole synergy with nature thing. And also the spirit of children- Josh Koh pointed out that the writer really captured well the essence of a childlike spirit. In the film, the 2 children were the only ones able to see Totoro (the fantasy fat fuzzy chubby squirrel-creature-thing from storybooks) and play with him; and were the only ones who called on him to help them when they needed help). Of course, the adults never quite understood what the kids were talking about. But the kids had the grandest time, laughing & playing with their "imaginary friend."
The childlike heart... having faith in the "crazy storybook ideas"? (after all, isn't Scripture, in large part, a story- about God and His creation)... or maybe just being able to play & not worry?
Heard Avril Lavigne's "I'm With You" over the radio this afternoon. Although I'm not a fan of her music, the words of it struck me as very... hopeless. And I remember a conversation I had with Vicki Ku about the fact that music reflects the culture & times in which it was written. And one defining characteristic of much of the recent music (i.e. past 3-4 years ) is full of existential angst. Translation: there's a lot of sentiments of hopelessness, loneliness, despair, meaningless, etc. in music. And you know, I realized, that no matter how "down & out" I've ever felt, I've never felt hopeless. Like, utterly completely hopeless. Hope, of course, is one of the gifts of God- the source of all hope & comfort. Yet the presence of hope (or perhaps the fact that we don't feel its complete absence) is often taken for granted. And yet perhaps, at a very basic level, when all faith seems to be gone, the bit of hope that says "things'll get better... things MUST get better" is in itself a step of faith. When people who do not know God claim to say "don't worry, it'll be ok", sometimes it makes me want to ask them "how do you know?" But for those who follow God, there actually is a basis- a promise- for being able to say that and have any sort of guarantee.
Anyway, those are my 2 theological thoughts of the evening. G'nite
Monday, May 12, 2003
Those of you wondering about the car accident...
http://inthelight03.diary-x.com (yes, I still sorta use it).
I put a passcode on the entry, just because I don't want everybody to have open access to it; yet I still made an entry just for ease of me not having to say the same thing to everybody (to those of you who do want to read it & whom I wouldn't mind telling). So yea, ask me for the passcode.
http://inthelight03.diary-x.com (yes, I still sorta use it).
I put a passcode on the entry, just because I don't want everybody to have open access to it; yet I still made an entry just for ease of me not having to say the same thing to everybody (to those of you who do want to read it & whom I wouldn't mind telling). So yea, ask me for the passcode.
Sunday, May 11, 2003
Friday, May 09, 2003
I shouldn't still be up, but I am :P. Mixed day, but still thankful...
Thankful for:
1. find 1 of 4 needed Sunday School teachers for summer
2. M&S with folks tonight
3. getting a ticket to attend Wheaton's graduation (seeing friends will be fun; listening to 600 names will not)
4. seeing Tracey again after it's been a while
5. the sound of rain falling
6. safety driving home in the rain
7. conversations that challenge & humble me at the same time
8. these Wheaton freshmen... I'm gonna miss them over the summer
9. good food
10. piano music
Thankful for:
1. find 1 of 4 needed Sunday School teachers for summer
2. M&S with folks tonight
3. getting a ticket to attend Wheaton's graduation (seeing friends will be fun; listening to 600 names will not)
4. seeing Tracey again after it's been a while
5. the sound of rain falling
6. safety driving home in the rain
7. conversations that challenge & humble me at the same time
8. these Wheaton freshmen... I'm gonna miss them over the summer
9. good food
10. piano music
Thursday, May 08, 2003
Alright, I figure that if I don't blog now, I'm gonna lose my readers :P (if I haven't lost them all already). These unintentional periods of silence are usually exactly that- unintentional. I suppose that last week I didn't blog mostly because I needed time to work on my sermon & other assorted tasks. This week, I've spent most of my mornings and afternoons either at Wheaton, or going to Barnes & Noble. I dunno, I guess I find being cooped up at home not a god place to be... too stale. This morning, had breakfast with Diane; good to catch up.
Wheaton's graduation is this weekend. Feels strange, because this is "my class"- the ones I should be graduating with if I didn't graduate early as I did. I've gotten the opportunity to talk with some of the members of the senior class & to reflect/reminisce. I remember still our freshman year together... the joys, the discoveries, the "drama". How friendships formed & grew (though in some cases, fell apart) over the course of 3 years. It's a strange feeling, to hear what everyone has planned for the summer and beyond. Truly a chapter is closing, and most of us are moving off into different directions to follow what we believe & hope to be God's next step for our lives. I suppose it'll hit after May, when most of the people I know well will be actually leaving & good-byes will be said then.
Picked up the new Rich Mullins CD/DVD release of some of his live stuff. That guy... amazing pianist & musician; even more amazing Christian, as one who loved the Lord in such a simple, yet profound way.
Also picked up the 3-book set by E.B. White, including my childhood favorite... Charlotte's Web, starring Wilbur the talking pig. My favorite book as a kid... fun to be able to read it again.
Dad's out in Romania on missions. I feel bad for mom... she's home by herself. And this'll be the first Mother's Day where I'm not going to be at home- and dad won't be back home yet either ;_;.
Joyce, Tracey, & Megan are all graduating this Sunday... I need to find graduation gifts ~_~
Wheaton's graduation is this weekend. Feels strange, because this is "my class"- the ones I should be graduating with if I didn't graduate early as I did. I've gotten the opportunity to talk with some of the members of the senior class & to reflect/reminisce. I remember still our freshman year together... the joys, the discoveries, the "drama". How friendships formed & grew (though in some cases, fell apart) over the course of 3 years. It's a strange feeling, to hear what everyone has planned for the summer and beyond. Truly a chapter is closing, and most of us are moving off into different directions to follow what we believe & hope to be God's next step for our lives. I suppose it'll hit after May, when most of the people I know well will be actually leaving & good-byes will be said then.
Picked up the new Rich Mullins CD/DVD release of some of his live stuff. That guy... amazing pianist & musician; even more amazing Christian, as one who loved the Lord in such a simple, yet profound way.
Also picked up the 3-book set by E.B. White, including my childhood favorite... Charlotte's Web, starring Wilbur the talking pig. My favorite book as a kid... fun to be able to read it again.
Dad's out in Romania on missions. I feel bad for mom... she's home by herself. And this'll be the first Mother's Day where I'm not going to be at home- and dad won't be back home yet either ;_;.
Joyce, Tracey, & Megan are all graduating this Sunday... I need to find graduation gifts ~_~
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