SoulThirst

Alright alright... I figure that nearly 2 weeks is a sufficiently large pause in blogging... unintentional of course. Now I actually wonder who still checks this thing (I'm speaking of the blogspot version...since the Xanga people get this e-mailed to them). I guess I just found more fulfilling (and time-consuming) activities than blogging ^^;;. Thing is, I always journal before I blog, and if I don't have time for the latter, then I don't end up doing it.

Last week... I guess the biggest reason for not blogging was just a "lack of time." It was the first week of a very full 4 (now until July 20) where in addition to Friday night youth group & Sunday School responsibilities (+ meetings & the like), I also have a 4-week preaching series, as well as leading a career-adults Bible study. With all that, I've been trying to work at 1) finishing all I've needed to do, and 2) getting ahead when I can. (Today happens to be my Monday "day off"). Actually, last week was a good week. I didn't feel busy, though certainly life was full. Yet even in the fullness, the days moved by at a clip, and what needed to be done got done. There was more joy- and efficiency- than in less full weeks, which confirms to me that "amount of stuff to do" does not make or break a good week or not; a certain degree of divine enablement makes good anything that might be otherwise. In comparison, this week looks fairly open... not that I have less to do, but that I feel more capable of it.

Yesterday felt good too. The talk seemed to go over well, as did Sunday School (a different group than I've had previously, but still a good group; I could've been more organized though). By the afternoon guitar class, I was fairly tired, and managed to stay awake in the afternoon & be there for the first part of career-adults fellowship too. However, after eating 2 rather large sandwiches, I promptly fell into a food-coma-induced nap that lasted me well into the evening :P. Ended up staying up reading some more of Harry Potter before finally turning in at around 2:30.

Today, still been reading Harry Potter #5... page 350 at this point... it's my "reading day" today, since I wasn't able to read earlier because of preaching/teaching, and I probably need the time later on in the week to work too. Book 5 definitely assumes prior knowledge (I guess at this point, that makes sense), so I found myself having to go back & review (especially the later scenes in Book 4 which were referenced in 5). The first 350 pages so far seem somewhat less "emotionally satisfying." Ironically, J.K. Rowling seems to be very accurately depicting the life of a 15-year old, and so the temper flairs, up & down emotions, social awkwardness when the pretty girl walks by, and teenage angst are shockingly....real. Maybe that's why it's not so enjoyable (whoever said being a teenager was enjoyable)... and gets me thinking "aiyo, so that's what being a teenager is like again... I had almost forgotten" :P. I dunno... I think Harry's being obnoxious up to this point :P. Definitely less satisfying so far. But the suspense & such is being built up quite well. Much more of a young-adult level book (would a teenager know what "sardonic" means?) than the previously touted children/teenager book. Maybe, if I apply myself some more, I can finish the rest of the 500+ pages before tonight.

Let's see... this week... sermon (mostly thought out already, just need to organize)... Sunday School... Friday's activity... guitar class planning... not too bad at all. Learning to pray more... to put more into the divine element of it all. Well, at any rate, don't expect a whole lot of blogging or anything in the course of this week, maybe scattered bits at best.

Prayers for my week still appreciated... wise use of my time... being spiritually sensitive... praying for others more... being one to handle the word of God well...

posted by Andy Chang @ 5:45 PM 0 comments

Quick weekend recap:

Saturday- Spent most of the afternoon helping Amanda & her dad with yard work- mulching, uprooting a tree, etc. Had Ivan, Tai-Chi, Calvin, & Leo to slave alongside with. Not too much happened there, except that when we shoveled out one section of mulch, out pops a baby bunny! It sorta just crawled out... so kawaii~ its eyes weren't even open yet and it could fit in the palm of your hand ^^. Eventually we unearthed 3 more... and since the mulch pile would be gone soon, we put them in a box & took them back to Living Water. They were cute... huddled there, sleeping most of the time, so small & fragile. Eventually took them to a wildlife rehab place so that they could survive.

Sunday- All the older YAMs were out camping this weekend, so church was somewhat empty. Certain things about the service really frustrated & annoyed me, but this is neither the forum nor the place to get into that. The funny thing about Sunday was the rain. It was raining off & on all afternoon. But while Mike Liang & I were running errands, we noticed that every time we needed to get out of the car & go in, or when we needed to get back to the car... the rain all of a sudden either stopped or slowed to a drizzle. Mike said, "Someone's lookin out for us"

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Last night I had a good conversation with my parents, talking about a number of things, all centered around my future plans, calling in life, etc. But it was a good conversation, in that we listened to each other, heard each other out, and didn't end up arguing about it. I guess that's part of the process of growing up (for all you younger students who are still at home with parents)... learning that God speaks truth through your parents. Not that our parents are perfect, or that all their words are always "truth." But somewhere in the midst of their strengths & weaknesses, truths & falsehoods, is the fact that God has placed them in your life as your parents, and has seen it fit to raise you through them. Therefore, at a basic level (assuming you believe that God knows what He's doing), your parents are God's instruments.

I didn't necessarily agree with everything they said. But I did appreciate my dad's heart behind it, and the convictions & values he holds- though some differ from mine. The greatest fear of our parents, I think, is that we will no longer listen to them. I know with my parents, when they feel that I'll listen to others (my youth pastor, professors, other peers, etc.) instead of them, it's hard for them to take; it hurts to some degree because they feel that "my child is listening to someone else & ignoring his/her own parent." And while what other people say might be more "truthful," our parents still deserve our attention. I'm glad I was able to communicate to him that I still valued his perspective, despite our different views.

[Posting now to get it in under midnight]

posted by Andy Chang @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

Y'know, yesterday was a day that I could truly call "good"... satisfying, refreshing... a good day with God & with people.

Felt good to be productive & use my time well... able to get Sunday School planning done, finish some errands, find curriculum for the summer, send out some e-mails, clean the house, do laundry, even read a bit. And even doing all the work, planning & writing e-mails & such felt good... like I really wanted to, not that I had to. There was new life in it, and that was good.

Evening trip to M&S was lots of fun... though I don't think a tuna melt + 1/2-pound cajun burger at 10:30pm is really good for you @_@. Ah well, good food, good fun. Poor Ronnie had pulled a near all-nighter the night before, and so she was pretty sleep-deprived when we went to M&S. Not like tired though... more like... wired in a brain-dead sort of way (Ronnie without sleep is worse than one of us with a drink). So yah... we had lots of fun at her expense XD XD... won't say anymore or else she'll hurt me. Good laughs, good company. Pretty tired by the time I got home, & slept decently well.

Saw much of God, all over my day.

Today was good too... got up early... did some more work, & enjoyed my day. Dunno how to put it... simply enjoyed it. Good to be able to just start it off giving thanks

posted by Andy Chang @ 12:04 AM 0 comments

Today felt like a hard day for no apparent reason. I suppose that not getting enough sleep last night probably contributed some. "Snapped" at my Sunday School class today... and like I said to all of you during class, I'm sorry; it was wrong of me & made the rest of the time just feel weird. And I've got a great class too; there isn't a lot to put up with, very encouraging, very comfortable group. And I must've been really out of sorts to have snapped at that group. Didn't want to be at my meeting. Went home & slept, because honestly that's all I really wanted to do. Go to my room, close the door, sleep, ignore the world.

I'm not a "big-group-gatherings" type of person; I'm happy being an introvert, with the personality & lifestyle thereof. Speaking of being genuine, it often feels like a stretch to be someone I'm not when I'm "supposed to be" very engaging in large group settings, pretend I'm interested when I'm not, etc. Like right now. I should be somewhere, but instead I'm here writing this. And that's just because part of me doesn't want to be there, while another part of me is trying to muster up enough willpower to force myself to be there & smile through it, etc. I can hear the laughter downstairs & know that if I don't show up, people will ask "where was Andy?" So I suppose I should show up just for the sake of personal decorum. But I also know that if I were to step foot downstairs, it would be a stretch to force myself to smile; but showing up with a cloud over my head would just suck as a mood-dampener. I "know" it doesn't have to be either/or: completely disengage or engage fakely; there's the middle ground of "genuinely engaging." But yea, the process of getting there is not quite as simple as choosing one or the other, at least not for me; I think some people who disagree don't really know me well enough.

I'd rather go for a drive, a long drive, to nowhere in particular. Just going & going, with Evanesence playing in the car :P

posted by Andy Chang @ 7:58 PM 0 comments