SoulThirst

It's late, but I suppose today there's actually things for me to say. Being off AIM also gives me more to say at length too.

Stopped by Dr. Dorsett's office today... good to see the man after almost a year+, glad we're able to talk... time was short; how does one compress a year into a 1/2-hour? As is his custom, he looked me straight in the eye and asked "Andy, how is your soul doing?" And I think for the first time in all the time I've known him, I offered the true, honest, straightforward answer... the frustrations of the past few weeks, the doldrums of being in a rut, the uncertainties concerning the future. For the first time, I wasn't afraid to admit to him that I didn't know... that I felt & thought things that I used to consider beneath one who was a Christian Ed. student. But also for the first time, he didn't seem as high lofty as before; sure I still esteem him greatly as a mighty man of God, but he's become more human too. And I think I realize that he knew I was human too, all along he knew. We talked, he reminded me of things I even learned from him in classes... but it wasn't embarassing to admit that I still didn't know any better, that I still needed the reminders.

- our souls undulate from mountain to valley, and more often than not we live in the middle of the troughs. Even there, God is there.
- some things you just have to keep on doing certain things, taking steps of obedience, whether you feel like it or not... Word & sacrament, prayer, praise... they never make you stale any more than sleeping or eating every day will.
- vary your routine some
- if God doesn't want you to go somewhere, He can most certainly close the door. Trusting God means to step ahead & trust that He'll say no at the right times.

And while our meeting did not answer any questions, it did confirm at least a general direction, and it was good if only to give hope.


Kary called me today; asked me to write an RA application reference letter for her; once again, greatly honored. Ended up talking for 45 minutes. It's been a while since we talked, maybe almost 3 weeks+ but I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder. Guess we've both been in a dry season, where things've been hard, slow, and muddled all at the same time- spiritually, emotionally, even physically. Very much in the same place; some things Dr. Dorsett said to me, I turned around and offered to Kary as well.

So yea, she's applying to be an RA; she rather astutely made the observations that there are similarities between RA-ing and ministry, and thus asked me what being in ministry was like. I now have the sense that she's grown in faith to a point where she can understand matters of faith more clearly & so the conversations are more connected, more. She'd make a good RA... love people, good heart, and it'll be a hard but good challenge. Hope she finds good community with the fellowship at school; I'd want to be there myself, but since I can't, I entrust to the ministry of others.

Matrix Revolutions... I think I was too tired by the time I was watching it :P. I haven't decided whether I liked it or not; I think being partially asleep/zoned out didn't help. There were definitely some good moments (aka things I could take & use in object-lessons), also some equally bad ones. A lot of action as expected... things to go bam, pow, bang, oof, kabloom, etc. (throwback to Adam West Batman :P).

But the carryover theme from Reloaded about choice... making choices... even if all the mumbo jumbo that Architect & Oracle said don't make any sense whatsoever (Ergo), one thing does... we do end up making the choices that we have to make, even when we're unsure of the outcome, when we're uncertain about the process... taking just a step. you'll know when the time comes.

posted by Andy Chang @ 1:58 AM